Marriage Tip #2: Just because other people advise you to not go to bed without patching things up doesn't mean you have to.
Before I got married, I have never believed in that cliche. Good thing my husband deemed the same. For one, arguments the heated ones, aren't and can't actually be solved in one sitting. Although a few are, most are not. If you have all the time in the world then I guess by sundown you've already patched things up. But it's not the case when you're married, suddenly amidst the holy fight there are things to attend to, apart from your job, you need to make sure the household's running too so how can a married couple make up after all that? For me I can't just say, all's okay so now let's go back to business. I have this need in me that I have to pour all my feelings out so he gets what I'm trying to say, I also need to process his thoughts so I get to understand the message he's trying to come across. We really need to talk. And sometimes it just doesn't happen right now. Sometimes you need to sleep it over and just talk about it again the next day. I know it's hard to shut your eye if you sleep facing each others back but I believe it's better that way than forcing yourselves to get through with it when you know you have to sleep early because you need to get up early for work. Communicating is not just getting through with it. You have to make sure you get his point and he gets yours. You need to know where you offended him and he you. So the next time they won't happen again because you've already talked about the issue and you've met halfway. All these are met the next day when you're not upset anymore, when the anger isn't present anymore. When your head's cooled down that's when the best time to talk about the issues you've left. For me it's not really about not going to bed angry or sad, it's about finding when's the perfect time to talk about your concerns. And that those concerns get addressed.
I have a husband who's willing to talk about anything and everything. In our relationship, he once said that I play the male part and he the female part because I'm the one who doesn't talk as much. When I'm upset I don't normally speak up, he on the other hand, speaks his mind. But when I'm ready (in a few hours maybe), I just tell him I need to talk. And then we argue. If it's already time to sleep and we haven't made up yet, we talk about it the next morning, the usual time when my anger already subsides and my mind is open to hearing his side of the story, yes even if it's on our way to work. Normally if you've an open mind, the truce part just happens easily. Everything on the other end becomes easy to digest, no pride to take care of, no hurt to nurture. So whether it's today or tomorrow morning for as long as you've made up wholeheartedly, that's about the right time.
what are your other marriage tips?
Before I got married, I have never believed in that cliche. Good thing my husband deemed the same. For one, arguments the heated ones, aren't and can't actually be solved in one sitting. Although a few are, most are not. If you have all the time in the world then I guess by sundown you've already patched things up. But it's not the case when you're married, suddenly amidst the holy fight there are things to attend to, apart from your job, you need to make sure the household's running too so how can a married couple make up after all that? For me I can't just say, all's okay so now let's go back to business. I have this need in me that I have to pour all my feelings out so he gets what I'm trying to say, I also need to process his thoughts so I get to understand the message he's trying to come across. We really need to talk. And sometimes it just doesn't happen right now. Sometimes you need to sleep it over and just talk about it again the next day. I know it's hard to shut your eye if you sleep facing each others back but I believe it's better that way than forcing yourselves to get through with it when you know you have to sleep early because you need to get up early for work. Communicating is not just getting through with it. You have to make sure you get his point and he gets yours. You need to know where you offended him and he you. So the next time they won't happen again because you've already talked about the issue and you've met halfway. All these are met the next day when you're not upset anymore, when the anger isn't present anymore. When your head's cooled down that's when the best time to talk about the issues you've left. For me it's not really about not going to bed angry or sad, it's about finding when's the perfect time to talk about your concerns. And that those concerns get addressed.
I have a husband who's willing to talk about anything and everything. In our relationship, he once said that I play the male part and he the female part because I'm the one who doesn't talk as much. When I'm upset I don't normally speak up, he on the other hand, speaks his mind. But when I'm ready (in a few hours maybe), I just tell him I need to talk. And then we argue. If it's already time to sleep and we haven't made up yet, we talk about it the next morning, the usual time when my anger already subsides and my mind is open to hearing his side of the story, yes even if it's on our way to work. Normally if you've an open mind, the truce part just happens easily. Everything on the other end becomes easy to digest, no pride to take care of, no hurt to nurture. So whether it's today or tomorrow morning for as long as you've made up wholeheartedly, that's about the right time.
what are your other marriage tips?
(see Marriage Tip #1)
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