Marriage Checklist

When we were still planning to get married and I had no inch a doubt our relationship was that serious to head to the altar, I thought of sharing this marriage checklist I found in the net with him and see what we might have gotten into. I thought I'd make excuses pa or it would be hard for me to engage him in topics such as this but I was proven wrong, happily. And all his answers have made me realize I would soon tie the knot with THE right guy. I suggest you discuss these same concerns with your hubby-to-be. Hear and understand what he has to say. They are very serious topics that warrant serious thoughts especially when deciding on matters that from then on will all be about you and him.

Be very truthful with your answers as much as possible, remember you will be sharing real life together, one that's lifetime and committed. To this day, I still remember how he all answered them. I was just glad we talked about them so I truly hope the checklist would have been helpful to both of you too.


Marriage Reality Check(list)

So you’ve chosen the person to live with for the rest of your life. But do you know his or her take on certain issues concerning your marriage and future family? Below is a checklist of things you ought to discuss and disclose before proceeding with your wedding plans.

PERSONAL

Do I do anything that bugs you? If I can’t change, could you live with that for the rest of our lives?

CHILDREN

How many children do you want? Who’s going to be the primary caregiver? How would you feel if we won’t be blessed with any?

FINANCES

Who will handle the household budget? Will we be allowed to have personal savings and spending from each others salary? Or do we remit our full salary in the same pool? Do you have any financial obligations to your family? Do you have debts?

DWELLING

Where will we live when we get married? Is living with our families an option? If so, when do we expect to move out?

HEALTH

Do we have any health issues each should know of? Are there any health concerns that we could potentially pass to our children or we should prepare for financially?

FAITH (different religions/beliefs)

Do you expect me to convert to your religion? Or would you respect it if I choose to still practice what I believe in? Which religion should our children be brought up to?

PRIVACY

Are we allowed to answer calls in each other’s cellphones? Are we free to read each other’s text messages, emails, & mails?

SEX

Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and problems?

FUTURE IN-LAWS

Does my family do anything that annoys you? Do you feel they will interfere with our marriage? Will it be alright with you if I keep supporting my family (physically/financially) even if already we’re married?

CAREER

Do you expect me to be a full-time housewife? Would you be bothered if my job pays better than yours?

CHORES

What household chores do you expect me to do?

LIFESTYLE

What do you wish/expect me to changes in my present lifestyle?

FRIENDS

Who among my friends do you feel is a bad influence? Are we still allowed to go out with them for late night gimmicks when we’re married?

MIGRATION

Do you see raising our family here in the Philippines or is migrating to a foreign land in the plans? Would you consider a job abroad and leave your family behind for a better life?

(Source: http://www.weddingsatwork.com/index.php/marriage-reality-checklist/ )

what are your Pantry Essentials?

When I was newly married, I had a notebook with me where I write all the things we needed to buy for our new home. I didn't realize that as small as this notebook may seem it would be so busy I would depend on it the whole time for it entailed pala a lot of things to go through and look after when moving into a new home. From the list of basic furniture we might need to household appliances to basic pantry essentials to linens and curtains to storage boxes and more were what concerned me to make the experience if not perfect, at least fuss free. To think that all we needed to start off were just the basics first. It was tiring but the truth is it was the happy kind.

Let me share the list I found in my notebook and I will start with the pantry essentials. Actually our needs, you and we, may all vary but just maybe, this list might be of aid too. You can start from what you see in your parent’s house first and take note if you might need it for day one or if you can hold buying it off for a few more weeks.

Rice.
No brainer. We’re rice eaters so rice comes to mind when we think of basic needs

garlic, onions and tomatoes.
even if you're not a good cook yet, you will need these 3 for the easy gisa (saute) dishes. for a newbie, sinangag (fried rice) and omelet isn't a bad way to fire up your cooking skill.

salt, pepper.
every dish you whip up will need these dependable duo.

cooking oil. (olive, palm or vegetable).
what kind of oil to get first will be your little concern, for me vegetable is ok for it's the kind that will not affect the taste of whatever dish you prepare. If you’re into salads then buy olive oil first. If you’re into fried foods, palm oil is better.

soy sauce, fish sauce, vinegar.
splurge in brands that you trust, sometimes the best adobo comes from the kind of soy sauce you use and so with fish sauce and vinegar. 

cornstarch, all purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, bread crumbs, aluminum foil.
these will come in handy once you feel like making pancakes or breading from scratch. There will be a lot of recipes that you will use these soon with, not to mention they don’t expire straight away so they're a good investment really.

calamansi (lime or lemon), ginger.
I never let me ran out of calamansi for I find it very useful in almost everything, not just in cooking but also in cleaning, bathing, washing, treatments, deodorizing and drinking. Ginger on the other hand takes the lansa away for chicken dishes, which we cook most of the time, so we really need to have it. Plus it’s medicinal aid proves indispensable too.

eggs, butter.
eggs will save your day for when there's nothing to eat, you can always rely on them. Well with butter, I need not say anymore for everything is just happier with butter. Wink.

bread or biscuits.
you should never allow your husband to die of hunger :) so make sure there’s at least bread or biscuit in your pantry all the time. I believe most men are not naman picky, just see to it hindi kakalam ang sikmura nila hahaha.
 
sinigang mix, monggo beans, pasta, bullion cubes.
my go-to dishes to survive are sinigang, monggo and spaghetti. :) not all days are sipag days for me and since hubby is not one to complain I whip them up with no trouble at all. For an easy recipe click mackerel sinigang or corned tuna pasta.

sugar, coffee, milk.
you can add chocolate drink or tea if you're not a milk drinker. just make sure that what you both prefer for a morning drink is in your pantry. Add powdered juices too if you wish.

Catsup, Mang Tomas.
If you’re into sawsawan (dips) do not forget them too.

Canned goods.
for me what you should always have are tuna or corned tuna, corned beef and sardines (or mackerel in our case). these will save your day or midnight hunger pangs.

For day one of living together in your own home as husband and wife (for singletons who wish for their independence too), you can work your way out from these lists and then later on stock your pantry with your favorites too. We usually buy them as we need them so we avoid purchasing on a whim. Hard times teach us to make do with what we have so good luck and build your pantry a little at a time.

P.S. so what are your other pantry must-haves?

Marriage 101: Wisdom for Husbands and Wives

As much as I'd like to picture love as just simple and beautiful, life happens. In it, there's pain, frustration, things you sometimes have no control over. Marriage is no exception to these hurts and complaints but the good thing is we still have a choice. I got both pics shared by the Kramers on their IG page, thought all married couple must read and cue inspiration from these passages.

what are your other marriage tips?

how to Marry the Wrong Person

I've read an article written by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A. about not making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of your life with. Thought I'd share...

Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.
(this I think is the most common mistake women make. Even if you're just bf-gf you should never believe he will change because you said so, just inspire him to better himself, it will surely be lasting if he changes because he genuinely wants to)


You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
(in the end, character is what's more important than just both of you having that amazing chemistry)


You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most
(for me, the time when a man understands what her woman needs most is when he's got maturity, so marry a man not a boy)


You pick the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
(in marriage, your goals in life and priorities should be heading towards the same direction because you're now a team)


You pick the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly.
(True. 'Nuff said)


You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
(that connection happens when you've known him quite enough, you should both make it a mission to know each other full well)


You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe.
(if you feel unsafe with him, don't choose him)


You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table.
(lay all your cards before you marry each other,it's hurtful and deceitful if you've learned things from other sources rather than from him)


You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.
(that escape will never lead to that elusive happiness)


You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.
(if he cheats with another girl, who's to say he won't cheat on you too)

P.S. what are your other marriage tips?

Marriage Tip #2

Marriage Tip #2: Just because other people advise you to not go to bed without patching things up doesn't mean you have to.

Before I got married, I have never believed in that cliche. Good thing my husband deemed the same. For one, arguments the heated ones, aren't and can't actually be solved in one sitting. Although a few are, most are not. If you have all the time in the world then I guess by sundown you've already patched things up. But it's not the case when you're married, suddenly amidst the holy fight there are things to attend to, apart from your job, you need to make sure the household's running too so how can a married couple make up after all that? For me I can't just say, all's okay so now let's go back to business. I have this need in me that I have to pour all my feelings out so he gets what I'm trying to say, I also need to process his thoughts so I get to understand the message he's trying to come across. We really need to talk. And sometimes it just doesn't happen right now. Sometimes you need to sleep it over and just talk about it again the next day. I know it's hard to shut your eye if you sleep facing each others back but I believe it's better that way than forcing yourselves to get through with it when you know you have to sleep early because you need to get up early for work. Communicating is not just getting through with it. You have to make sure you get his point and he gets yours. You need to know where you offended him and he you. So the next time they won't happen again because you've already talked about the issue and you've met halfway. All these are met the next day when you're not upset anymore, when the anger isn't present anymore. When your head's cooled down that's when the best time to talk about the issues you've left. For me it's not really about not going to bed angry or sad, it's about finding when's the perfect time to talk about your concerns. And that those concerns get addressed.

I have a husband who's willing to talk about anything and everything. In our relationship, he once said that I play the male part and he the female part because I'm the one who doesn't talk as much. When I'm upset I don't normally speak up, he on the other hand, speaks his mind. But when I'm ready (in a few hours maybe), I just tell him I need to talk. And then we argue. If it's already time to sleep and we haven't made up yet, we talk about it the next morning, the usual time when my anger already subsides and my mind is open to hearing his side of the story, yes even if it's on our way to work. Normally if you've an open mind, the truce part just happens easily. Everything on the other end becomes easy to digest, no pride to take care of, no hurt to nurture. So whether it's today or tomorrow morning for as long as you've made up wholeheartedly, that's about the right time.

what are your other marriage tips?

(see Marriage Tip #1)

Marriage Tips

 

image source: google.com

I've been married for 4 blissful years. I know I'm no expert when it comes to the marriage front as of yet but I'd like to share the things I've already learned along the way. Some may probably agree with my tips, some will have to disagree. Different strokes for different folks I guess but at least the idea more or less of the dynamics involved in a marriage will make you assess on how to achieve the kind of married life you wish to have or the kind to where you're adjusting now. A work in progress...

Marriage Tip #1: Never ever live with your in-laws.

Someone once told me that the only way to be closer to your in-laws, particularly your mom-in-law, is to not live with her. (Note: I say mom-in-law particularly because I'm a woman and normally a woman's relationship with her dad-in-law is as cool as your relationship with your own dad. The hope is that it's the case for every woman.) She said that in every household, there should only be one "ilaw ng tahanan". Otherwise it's just easy to clash. Which I took to heart and later on realized that she's made a fair point. For one, you're two different people with different opinions, values, minds, take, dreams, outlook in life that when one misunderstood the other, one easily gets hurt especially if it's something one strongly believes in. When that happens, it's just easy to take it personally. Yes even no matter how you rationalize it as she's meaning it good or she doesn't mean to offend.

I'm just a lucky wife that I have a very open relationship with my husband that we can actually sit down and talk about everything. Even if my concern is about his own mother. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually okay with mom-in-law and I can say the same to her with me but you know there are still times when I'm thankful we don't live with her because when she speaks her mind (about me or just about any mundane things) she forgets I'm capable of hurting. I'm not one to talk back so my story will have to end there, like she offends me, me gets hurt, me doesn't talk or answer back, period. Anyways, we're still getting to know each other and like I said I'm still a novice and still inching my way to everything and anything about marriage. But no matter what, I'd still recommend this to most of my friends, if they haven't learned from it yet :) Because you know, life and love is a whole lot different, if in your house you're the only "ilaw ng tahanan". Take it from that acquaintance I have probably met for that reason and wisdom. :)

what are your other marriage tips?

(see Marriage Tip #2)